Troon, November/December 2017

16 TROON GOLF TRAVEL eMAGAZINE Ive got the cure for it Anyone caught punching the air on the course is sentenced to three rounds of real punching inside the ropes with Floyd Mayweather That should put a stop to it pretty quickly PROPER TEE Next up on my list are the golfers with blue tee egos and red tee games Weve all seen them They swagger onto the first tee and in a voice loud enough to be heard on the first green declare Lets play the tips No doubt its supposed to impress but we all know if were playing behind them that its going to be a long long day We know theyll be thrashing around out there for five hours punching the air every time they dont three putt and of course they wont ever consider letting anyone through because theyre blue tee players and everyone else is a Muppet The cure Warn them in advance that if theyre that good but dont shoot level par or better from the back tees they dont get to play from those or any other tees for the next month How many do you think would be jumping up to the tips and telling everyone about it then NO THANKS Next up victory speeches Lets have a sine die ban on all mentions of God from the winners rostrum Give the guy a break With all the problems in the world why would he be picking out one guy in the field to give all his help to and leave the rest in penury Lets leave religion to more appropriate settings This might be particularly apposite in 2019 because the Open Championship will be at Royal Portrush in Northern Ireland a part of the world not instantly recognized as a bastion of religious tolerance Thanking Mum Dad Aunt Betty everybody at the pub and of course the neighbors budgie will remain fine by me But please leave as Billy Connelly rather irreverently used to call him The Big Yin out of the lineup RIGHTING RYDER Then theres the Ryder Cup which takes place next year in France The event that is now to golf what lions used to be to the Romans or what Santa Anna was to the Alamo What was originally started as a friendly match between the professionals of Great Britain and Ireland and the United States encouraged by a little bespectacled seed merchant named Samuel Ryder has almost morphed into hand to hand combat that is great for television and the cynical commercial interests that encourage and exploit that sort of thing We all love it but its not really what dear old Sam had in mind when he paid out for the little gold trophy with Abe Mitchell on top In reality I have now conditioned myself to all the hype and the jingoism but do we really have to stomach the Barbie Doll wives and girlfriends in their ridiculous uniforms cavorting around the field of conflict like it was some sort of grass covered catwalk I vote we keep them well clear of the action and the view of the television cameras into which they all seem to want to be while we want to watch the action on the fairways And while were at it why dont we dispense with the ludicrously lavish so called opening ceremony and return this once decent encounter into a game of golf instead of the cynical commercial enterprise it has become ON TO 2018 Finally my most earnest wish of all Banish any commentator who says Golf was the real winner With these thoughts in mind I wish you all a great golfing year ahead I also suggest for my editor a divergence from possibly iffy Sancerre in favor of a soothing malt from the Clynelish distillery near Brora in the north of Scotland one of my all time favorite golfing outposts which will restore the mien to normal almost instantly Anyone seen my indigestion tabs TROONMention that you are a Member of anyTroon Golf program and youll enjoy anexclusive Troon Discount Member RateTROON GOLF MEMBER SPECIAL4803614339 or 8887888374 www RoboticGolfAcademy comSchedule your hourly half day or full day session in Scottsdale today Get Your Distance Up Your Scores DownOur exclusive Robotic Swing Training systemintegrates the only RoboGolfPro in Arizonawith K Vest TrackMan and SAM BalanceLabtechnology to groove a pure sequence of theproper positions into your golf swing so youcan take it to the course and play better golf